The woman who confused the refrigerator with the sofa
I look up and check the clock on the wall. It's 4 o'clock in the afternoon. I pull my hands from the computer keyboard. I sigh (or should I say groan), and I look back at what I’ve been doing during the day:
Up since 6:00 am
My morning ritual today included a cup of black coffee...(**)
(**) Mental pause:
I’m doubting the professionalism of what I am about to write:
- Shouldn't I “talk the talk and walk the walk”?...
- Should I say "black coffee" as a Health Coach?
- Shouldn't I write something along the lines of:
“I get up, meditate, drink a glass of warm water with lemon to detox my kidneys, write my Morning Pages to unwind my subconscious, practice 20 sun salutations for 45 minutes and eat a balanced, healthy breakfast, low in refined sugars and flours?
I decide to write my reality "without filters" (except the one I used in my coffeemaker).
End of mental pause (**).
3. I sit down in silence in front of my cup of coffee…
…while looking out of the window to greet the morning (at this time of year, it's too cold to sit on the balcony).
4. After some morning routines that I have been trying to “incorporate” for a while…
…(or "struggling to", since the habit is far from being developed), my "official" working day starts around 8am.
5. ⌚ 8:00- 12:30
Stuck like an angled nail on the (non-ergonomic) chair in front of the computer, I've spent these hours writing, answering messages, reading, searching, organizing, preparing contents and meetings, listening, researching, teaching, outlining talks and seminars... a list about as long as the Great Wall of China...
During the morning, I have stopped to drink water, prepare some tea, go to the bathroom... and that's all.
6. ⌚12:30. Lunch time in Switzerland.
I get up from the chair (my legs complain about being immobilized for so long).
I prepare something fast and healthy that doesn't require much decision-making time.
Is it nutritious? Yes.
Is it balanced? Yes.
Do I like it? Sure (this is non-negotiable)
Do I take the time to enjoy it? Mmmmmmm....Nop.
I sit in front of my laptop while I eat and decide to quickly check the tasks on my to-do list that I usually tag as "can be done in less than 2 minutes and does not require many brain cells"...
(**) Mental pause:
Again, doubts pop up:
"I don't remember seeing any Health Coach or health and nutrition expert posting that they eat in front of the computer. At least that's not what they pitch on their Instagram stories, Facebook Lives, blogs, newsletters, or podcasts.” 🤔
Again, I am far from walking the talk.
And again, after a few seconds holding my fingers off the keyboard, I decide to continue typing "without filters"...
(**) end of mental pause.
Which leads to my second coffee of the day... and to continue the workday…
7. Three hours later (15:45)
My concentration starts fading away. I struggle with the heaviness of my eyelids and the soreness of my legs: the torment of keeping them motionless for so long takes its toll.
And this is the moment where I come face to face with Mrs. Anxiety. I feel the nervousness rising up from my chest, the inability to remain focused on the document I am writing, the inability to sit still in my chair...
... And soon after that, the dance begins:
I stand up.
I go to the refrigerator (one of the disadvantages of working from home is that it is handy).
I open it. I look inside as if it were for the first time. As if I would find the elixir of eternal youth in there. As if I didn't know by heart exactly what I was going to find on the other side of the door.
I grab two pieces of dark chocolate (yes, yes, mega healthy: 100% organic cocoa from Madagascar). I also take a slice of flax bread that I baked the other day and go back to my chair to eat it.
I use that moment to empty my inbox, following one of my daily goals called "Inbox Zero": a task that doesn't require a great deal of grey matter.
8. ⌚ 15 minutes later
That feeling of nervousness, of not being able to sit still in the chair and focus on the computer screen, returns.
My head feels like it has been flooded with liquid lead. Heavy. Sticky. Unable to focus on the lines in front of me.
I get up (again).
I open the refrigerator with the same expectation you have when you open a birthday present.
I find the same things in there as before (minus two pieces of dark chocolate).
I make a mental note: I must go food shopping...
I continue with the door open, as if I were taking in the details of an El Greco painting...
This time I grab a coconut yogurt. I add cinnamon, stevia and some macadamia nuts on top, and I return to my desk, in front of the unperturbed screen that continues to wait for me.
It's 4:30 pm.
I switch tasks to see if that wakes me up a little...
9. ⌚ 16:45.
No way. I can't focus anymore.
My eyelids have fallen to the ground three times in less than 10 minutes.
10.
⌚
16:50h
I prepare a black tea with cinnamon and coconut milk.
I open the fridge for the third time (will there be something that I missed before and that is the perfect accompaniment to hot tea?)...
Of course! Another piece of chocolate!!!
Opening the fridge is like opening Mary Poppins' bag: It keeps you in perpetual excitement since you never know what you’re going to get.
11. ⌚ 17:15
I can't handle it any longer. I close the computer screen, with a heavy feeling in my stomach and (very!) annoyed at myself for not being able to keep my attention longer.
Amidst mentally lambasting myself for not having finished even half of what I had planned, I "allow myself" to lie on the sofa for a few minutes, eyes closed, no cell phone, no laptop, no “nothing”…
Despite my brain broadcasting signals similar to nuclear alarm sirens: "If you stop now, you won’t start again after dinner (!!!!!!)" (dinner is rather early in Switzerland), my exhaustion wins this round and I cuddle up on the sofa.
And in that quiet, something magical happens:
My brain actually "switches off" -literally- from the neuronal firework display to which I have relentlessly exposed it since 6:30am... I fall into that half snooze in which you can still hear the little noises around you but you lose the notion of time and space for about 20-30 minutes, no more...
In total, 30 minutes "spent" on the sofa...
J-U-S-T 30 minutes and my food cravings, all the nervousness in my stomach and the liquid lead flooding my brain completely vanished...
I wasn't hungry for food; I was "hungry for a break"
...At this moment, I took a mental note:
"What if tomorrow, instead of dancing to the beat of African drums from the desk to the fridge, I allow myself a break, a “no-work zone” to recharge my batteries?
...and I tried it...
... and again, magic happened.
It worked.
At that moment, a saying came to my mind that my grandmother used to whisper:
"It is just as far from the sofa to the fridge as from the sofa to bed"
The surprise (and the bonus): That 30-minute nap allowed me to continue working for a few more hours after dinner... (A note for those who maintain that time-out reduces productivity).
It is 6:30am on any other ordinary morning and here I am, sitting in front of my coffee mug, and before my workday "officially" starts, I decide to hit the "Publish" button of this blog post.
Why?
Because I would like to share with you this story of trance dances between the kitchen and the desk, of energy depletion and of futile hopes placed in a refrigerator.
What for?
In case it is useful to you.
In case it helps you to re-evaluate your own needs and to enable them the space they require.
As an invitation to ask yourself the following questions:
Are you familiar with the fridge scene at 4pm? Does it happen at different times of the day, such as late afternoon or after dinner?
What are your strategies to "recharge your batteries"? Do you turn to food? To the sofa? To your company's vending machine?...
Do you allow yourself "micro breaks" throughout the day? If you don't (as is my case, when I run on auto-pilot), why do you think this happens? What "mental program" is operating inside you at that moment?
Undoubtedly, learning to listen to ourselves and to answer these (occasionally uncomfortable) questions, is the first (HUGE) step to not confuse the "sofa" with the "fridge", and to uncover the true cause of this type of emotional hunger.
Trust me: it is much more constructive (and far more efficient) to confront these questions and the reality of your day-to-day life than to continue blaming yourself for your "lack of willpower" or your "weak character" when facing a mid-afternoon crisis.
I would love to hear about your strategies on how you "recharge your mental batteries", via the comments.
Should they be useful to anyone else.
Should they be useful to me...
In the meantime, here’s one of those battery recharging hugs. 😊
Teresa M.
Fotos: Depositphotos; Jen P. on Unsplash